I Will Fucking Piledrive You If You Mention AI Again

Ludicity (aka Nikhil Suresh), a developer with real AI chops ("formal training as a data scientist, going so far as to dominate a competitive machine learning event at one of Australia's top universities and writing a Master's thesis where I wrote all my own libraries from scratch in MATLAB") has had enough: "it is with great regret that I announce that the next person to talk about rolling out AI is going to receive a complimentary chiropractic adjustment in the style of Dr. Bourne, i.e, I am going to fucking break your neck".

It's both very funny and very, very true.

I. But We Will Realize Untold Efficiencies... "as a data scientist ... by 2021 I had realized that while the field was large, it was also largely fraudulent... The number of companies launching AI initiatives far outstripped the number of actual use cases.... grifters and incompetents ... leveraging the hype ... so they could get promoted, or be seen as thought leaders.. Grifters... wield the omnitool that they self-aggrandizingly call 'politics'... the core competency of smiling and promising people things that you can't actually deliver is highly transferable."

Then some SOB invented ChatGPT and here we are "spending half of the planet's engineering efforts to add chatbot support to every application under the sun when half of the industry hasn't worked out how to test database backups regularly".

But We Need AI To Remain Comp-" After all, AI as it "is useful now, is probably already baked into your businesses software supply chain", and it was probably supplied by someone else, so there's no reason to try and become an AI company yourself, particularly as "most companies are unable to successfully develop and deploy the simplest of CRUD applications on time and under budget... [which] is a solved problem ... [as they] are operationally and culturally crippled... How about you remain competitive by fixing your shit?"

III. We've Already Seen Extensive Gains... "No one with a brain believes you", and most AI demos are fake.

IV. But We Must Prepare For The Future... "we are heading in one of three directions:

• "intelligence explosion, where AI recursively self-improves itself, and we're all harvested for our constituent atoms...
• the current approach does not scale ... some industries will be heavily disrupted, such as customer support... [but] your company does not need generative AI for the sake of it" - if you do need it, you will know. Otherwise, "if you don't have a use case ... [AI's] broad capability is not actually very useful... you should be ... improving your operations and culture... [develop] the ability to use AI if it ever becomes relevant. Everyone is talking about Retrieval Augmented Generation, but most companies don't actually have any internal documentation worth retrieving. Fix. Your. Shit."
• And if AI does really develop, "building random chatbots will not prepare you for the future... Your business will be disrupted exactly as hard as it would have been if you had done nothing"

In summary: be "on the absolute cutting-edge ... or [continue] doing exactly what you were doing five years ago with minor concessions to incorporating LLMs... [unless] your industry is being totally disrupted right now."

V. But Everyone Says They're Usi-... They're lying.

But he doesn't hate LLMs. It's "the people who have latched onto it, like so many trailing leeches... [earlier] they were the ones that loved discussing the potential of blockchain ... who breathlessly discussed the potential of 'quantum' ... [who] know that you can print money by hitching yourself to the next speculative bandwagon... that should be thrown into Thought Leader Jail "