How to talk someone out of bigotry with deep canvassing - Vox

to divert someone away from prejudice and toward greater acceptance of others ... “Deep canvassing,”... “giving them grace.”... to hear someone say something that can be hurtful, ... think about how to ... connect with them...

have patience with them, ask them to reflect on their life, and listen... many communities have a call-out culture... condemn those who disagree with us... the key to the success of these conversations is doing the exact opposite of that.” ... closer to what a psychotherapist might have with a patient ... sharing and listening... nudging people to be analytical and think about their shared humanity with marginalized groups...

ask open-ended questions and then we listen ... people learn more durably when they come to the conclusion themselves, not when someone “bitch-slaps you with a statistic,”... nonjudgmental exchanging of narratives... is the key ingredient ... it’s not threatening... talking about themselves... a more tolerant attitude is consistent with their self-image...

impact of television ads... fade in just a week. Deep canvassing... effect can last for several months... the effects may be small ... recent elections ... always comes down to just a few points...

78 percent ... staying for the entire conversation... 75 percent of [them] ... share a story about their own lives... our political opponents aren’t ... as severe as they appear ... Republicans assume Democrats dislike them more than they actually do, and vice versa... fuels ongoing conflict and dehumanization...

Arguably, there’s a time and place for calling people out, particularly... influential people. But maybe not when it comes to our neighbors.