How to Win Your Next Argument - Forge

Instead of ... a winner/loser framework, think about your next argument as an opportunity to work toward resolution...change your point of view from I to us. Then, listen carefully... When possible, plan ahead...

best persuaders “didn’t rely on the legitimate merits ... the psychological frame ... can carry equal or greater weight... ideas and fine logic are not enough...

create a climate in which the other feels inclined to hear you out... when your boss or partner is relaxed and able to fully focus... Let the person vent. Anger that’s not stoked with rebuttals subsides over time... try saying... "I hear that you’re upset... we can solve this together.”..

If you’re ... riled up... slow the situation ... step back ... anger won’t benefit your cause... the biggest obstacle to getting what you want is, typically, you and your irrational behavior... View the situation as if it were a play being acted on a stage... feel more detached and less emotional...

people are much more likely to listen to you if you have listened to them... Humans enjoy talking about themselves... understand the other person’s perspective. Paraphrase their ideas and feelings and repeat them back... Follow up with clarifying questions to make sure you fully understand...

Calmly explain how you feel, what your position is, and your hope that the other person will listen carefully to your point of view... avoid absolutist words such as never, always, or nothing...

Get back to the we-ness of the situation. Focus on your shared goal...